No I’m not dead or in hiding. I realize a few weeks have passed by without any thoughts or updates. I was super busy/lazy one week and then I was ill in bed the next. And maybe I was a little bit unwilling to post. I feel like I’ve fallen off of the horse or lost direction for a moment or two. The respiratory illness left me tired and apathetic. Needless to say, there was no exercising. But today is Monday – and while I’m not terribly thrilled that it’s Monday it seems like a good day to start anew. I wish I had some real learnings to help me prevent this from happening again, but the only thing I have discovered is that I’m addicted to food. I do mean addicted. Like when I wake up in the morning for breakfast I’m wondering what I’d like to eat for dinner. It is a constant stream of thought in the background. At my absolute worst when Dru is not in the house I grab the box of cereal or cookies or whatever else is in the house that’s the least bit appetizing (peanut butter on tortillas anyone?) and eat it, like all of it – and since I can’t cold turkey food and there isn’t a methadone clinic (that I’m aware of) for food addicts and I’m not sick enough to get into one of those scary militant fat camps I guess I just have to do this the un-fun hard way.
I have decided to cut back again on my calories… I was eating 1650, this week I am going to go to 1450. Here are my thoughts on why… according to the many calculations I have done, based on my resting metabolism rate (RMR) and my personal activity level (PAL) only eating 1650 calories should be enough of a deficit to create a negative 7,000 calorie intake weekly into my body (lose 2 lbs). Unfortunately some weeks this works, some weeks it doesn’t. Not because I eat only 1650 calories a day and do not loose weight, but because 1650 feels like a lot of calories in the morning and I trick myself into eating more than I should, then when dinner comes around I’m starving and eat more and often end up above my limit. I snack during the day at work because well… I’m at work, it seems like a good thing to do, but it is causing me to fail at my end goal and to become incredibly unhappy and mad when stepping on the scale, which is not good for my mental health.
My end goal is not to loose weight; my end goal is to be healthy. However, I believe that I won’t be at my “healthiest” until I do in fact lose a significant portion of my weight. Snacking seems to be counter-productive and is mindless.
So new plan – 1450 calories a day, plus at least 30 minutes exercise.
By restricting my caloric intake hopefully not only will I pay more attention to the food I am eating, but appreciate it being all that is necessary to keep me going.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
I wish I had great news to report – I did, last Thursday I was supposed to announce I had lost 7 lbs, but then came my birthday and the weekend and a bag of Fun Sized 3 Musketeers. So now I am two pounds added back on to my seven lost shaking my head asking myself what went wrong.
Suddenly my Fun Sized 3 Musketeers aren’t seeming so light and fun. In truth I was supposed to only ever have three a day (which is a serving = 190 calories), but then I had the temptation to eat them and thought “Gosh, this is a temptation, I should remove it from me…” I bet your thinking I was smart and pawned it off to my friends by accidently leaving it at their house. Well you’d be wrong, so very wrong. I ate the whole bag over a span of two days to finish them off and felt rather ill and hated myself rather strongly standing on the scale.
It’s not just my lack of willpower’s fault though, as Mr. Wii Board happily announced to me when I started it up on Sunday…
“Gee slacker, haven’t seen you in a week…think you should get it together and exercise a bit more often? I mean really how do you expect to reach these goals if you don’t exercise?”
Well, ok fine, it didn’t quite say it that way, but I could feel it judging me!
So two months down and I’m beginning to realize this is going to be a very long road. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, perhaps I need to visit a food shrink? I might have just made them up, but it seems like I can’t be alone, someone’s figured out they can make money off of food abusers like me…
Suddenly my Fun Sized 3 Musketeers aren’t seeming so light and fun. In truth I was supposed to only ever have three a day (which is a serving = 190 calories), but then I had the temptation to eat them and thought “Gosh, this is a temptation, I should remove it from me…” I bet your thinking I was smart and pawned it off to my friends by accidently leaving it at their house. Well you’d be wrong, so very wrong. I ate the whole bag over a span of two days to finish them off and felt rather ill and hated myself rather strongly standing on the scale.
It’s not just my lack of willpower’s fault though, as Mr. Wii Board happily announced to me when I started it up on Sunday…
“Gee slacker, haven’t seen you in a week…think you should get it together and exercise a bit more often? I mean really how do you expect to reach these goals if you don’t exercise?”
Well, ok fine, it didn’t quite say it that way, but I could feel it judging me!
So two months down and I’m beginning to realize this is going to be a very long road. I have such an unhealthy relationship with food, perhaps I need to visit a food shrink? I might have just made them up, but it seems like I can’t be alone, someone’s figured out they can make money off of food abusers like me…
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